Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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