capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
