There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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