honey bunches of taint.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
