yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize