i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
