i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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