No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
