Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
