My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
