somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
