I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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