I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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