I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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