I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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