I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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