I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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