My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
