I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
