I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
