Sry I called you an 8
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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