Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
