Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
