based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
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The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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