he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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