I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
