does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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