Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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