i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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