OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
