thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
