I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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