I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
