dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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