Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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