take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
