What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
