I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
