My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
