literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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