I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm at about main and main street
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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