I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
