I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
