drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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