Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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