I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
