My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
