One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
