You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
