...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
