Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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