you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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