hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
