Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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