Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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