Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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