3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
