Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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