If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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