You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize