There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
