Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
