we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
