I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We are all done wearing pants today
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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